Confessions of an Animated Dirt Ball

God made us from the dirt of the ground.  Christianity is a 2 sided coin.  Side 1 is Without HIM (Jesus Christ) I can do nothing.  The other side of the coin is I can do all things through Christ which strengtheth me.  I want to take a moment to sincerely apologize for something.  I think I have shared some truths on this blog that God has showed me, but I 1) don't always handle the truth too well. and 2) my spirit has rarely had any charity or grace behind what I have written.  God got ahold of my heart at our camp meeting and it started me getting right in several areas I was hurt about, disgruntled over, and confused about. I don't agree with everything I see, and in many ways circumstances of my life have not changed. What has changed however is my attitude toward everything.  Christianity overall is in a mess, and I believe God has showed me a few things that can turn it around.  My problem is ME.  I have yet to grasp how to share the truth in love better, and because I fail and then see people reject me (when I think they are rejecting God) I isolate and don't give them the grace that is needed if I ever want to be listened to.  Further, I have alienated myself in my circles, at least in my mind, by attacking everything and anything I saw I also cut everyone that was on my team as well. It is like a zealous solider with an AK47 shooting the enemy and then just firing all over the place and when he calms down, half his platoon is badly injured.  I so much want to go beyond today's compromising and cold Christianity but in my observations, I too made some poor conclusions. The answer is not to just have a hatred of sin and a fear of God, but to have grace for people and love for the brethren and respect for authority who share similar struggles and frustrations.   We are worn out, a lot of us.  I got refreshed at our camp meeting and now have a burden and a wake up call during the week to not only be a better and more faithful church member and witness, but to be a stronger husband and father, and love and lead my family better.  I had been prideful, and had been bitter at life that no one saw the amazing spiritual talents God has given me.  I am kidding there, but I can now see what I did. I was unfriendly to people, I was selfish, I was cold, I was moody to be around. I had the truth, but no audience because of my attitude.  And the truth I have is the same truth most of the brethren have in my circles.  I am not this solo guru and I gave that impression that I am right and everyone else is wrong.  I open myself up here-- If i have hurt you by anything I wrote in this blog, let me know.  If I offended you, let me know.  If you have seen things you are concerned about let me know.  I want to be a man of God that has a teachable spirit and child like faith, not a caustic, critical windbag.  I want to share the truth in love, not run and hide and keep everything in me.  I want to get back to the vision for this blog, and get it more under the umbrella of the local new testament church I am a part of.  Blessings, Mike.