You are invited to my pity party!

Good evening.  I am having a pity party and you are welcome to come.  I had balloons for it but they burst and the pizza was burnt so I was going to have just plates and snacks but the chips fell and the ice melted and the chicken wings tasted like frogs and the frog legs tasted like chicken and the roast beef sandwiches were supposed to be on weck but the weck was wrecked when the little black things all fell off and it was now only a salted roll.  The condiments couldn't cut the mustard and there was food poisoning from the miracle whip, and those that were deathly ill were all rushed to the Mayo Clinic and had a miracle and survived.  The punch lacked pizazz, and the pizazz lacked punch.  The company was bitter and the coffee was too and we only had a fourth of the half and half left which didn't leave very much.  I thought I had enough Coke, but the 2 liter was only half full. And most thought it was half empty so we just ended up drinking Canada Dry, but really we didn't, as the Falls were still going on as far as I could tell. Though I didn't want to rain on anyone's parade, so instead I just threw some mud.  My pity party was so pitiful that even Humper Humperdink sent in a cancellation and he had better things to do.  I invited the Republicans and they were all excited and promised they would come.  Then someone else was having a bigger pity party and they were also invited and they said they would be there with bells on.  They couldn't decide which party to commit to so they went to neither and spent the evening writing what a wonderful time they had and how much better we were all because they were invited.  The democrats were too drunk to come as they already had been celebrating.  They were excited about our pity parties, and sent a representative to the party.  He stayed for 5 minutes and took 5 of the 6 sheet pizzas and distributed them around the neighborhood.  He then sent me a bill for the gas he used to deliver the pizzas.  I had to furnish the stamp to mail the bill out.  I invited fellow Christians to my party too, and they were all excited, because misery loves company.  We spent the night whining and bellyaching about how the next 4 years it is going to get worse and worse and there is no point to go on.  We were going to play Russian roulette and end our sorrows but recently they had passed some new gun laws outlawing guns.  When someone held us up at gunpoint, \we reminded us of the new ban on guns. They thanked us and put the guns away and instead held us up at knife point.  Well my pity party over all of  sudden. I had invited the Lord Jesus but didn't think he could come.  He showed up last minute just when all hope seemed gone.  He showed up with the food as well.  And he made the non-alcoholic punch out of a mop bucket of water.  It is amazing what he will bring to any pity party.